i think my mom watched the whole time
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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