New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
