Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
