Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
