similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
