I think I died a long time ago.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
