yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
