so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
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good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!