first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...