Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.