I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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