He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think my vagina is haunted
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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