I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
In America we eat man semen.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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