We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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