Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
