i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
