thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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