I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
