the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
