Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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