also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
