Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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