im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
