I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
