We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Mom said you looked used
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
