I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
