Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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