I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
