found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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