I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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