I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
