yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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