Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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