Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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