You just made me feel so damn special
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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