We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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