when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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