i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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