Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
