He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
