every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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