How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
