you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drake has all the answers
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
