CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
