Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
