i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
