Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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