My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
