it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
