If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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