Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
