i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
