you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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