just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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