I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
