This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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