Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
