I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
