he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
