you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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