just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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