i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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